How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
