Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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