I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
