First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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