I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
