I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
