i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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