if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
