me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
