I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
