my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
