Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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