Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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