why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
