He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
