I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
