How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
