you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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