I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
