420 ftw
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
