I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
