I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
