I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
