Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
