Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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