He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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