i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
