I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
