the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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