You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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