I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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