i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
