They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
