Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
