i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
