She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
