Betty ford says i'm here all night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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