Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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