I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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