I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
