Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
