how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
