my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
