I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
