I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
