I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
