Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
