Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
