Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
