I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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