Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
