Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
